if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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