Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
