my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
