I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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