if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
