I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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