Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
