How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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