I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
