sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am midnight drunk by noon
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
