No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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