apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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