What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
