Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the day after is always just damage control
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
