P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
