i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
