I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
