He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
