on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
