And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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