it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
