I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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