Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
