i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
