remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
