I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
