Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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