Porn is love you can see.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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