Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
