Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
