I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
