Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
