Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
