Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
