If i come over, it means nothing
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
