I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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