spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
