You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
