SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
