I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
