Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Let's paint friendship bongs
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
