So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just blew my weed a kiss
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
