Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
