Don't EVER smell your tampon
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
