Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
