The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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