My friends, they love my intelligence
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my shit smells like andre
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
