maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
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the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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