Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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