Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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