I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
