I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
