you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
