Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
