To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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