That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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