69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
