Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Girls should come with a carfax report
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
