this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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