Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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