I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
