the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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