I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
