omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
