they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
