its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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