I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
