oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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