every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
