bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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