We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
