I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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