I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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